We are in the midst of a pandemic. I’ve noticed a lot of fear mongering, a lot of posts about when we get back to normal and a lot of jokes/memes of being stuck at home. I’m not seeing a lot out there about taking the time to feel your feelings. This can be scary to now be faced with our feelings if we haven’t been in touch with them before. I learned from an early age to ignore my feelings. If I wasn’t happy just don’t bother the world around me. For years I stuffed those feelings, until one day I could no longer stuff them, there just wasn’t room and I had a hair pin trigger. It has taken me many years to explore some of those ignored feelings and to challenge myself to not look away when I have feelings come up, which brings us to our current situation. There are so many levels to this thing and it is so important we get brave, roll up our sleeves and face our feelings. FEAR! That is probably the most common feeling many of us have right now. However that fear won’t look the same to each of us, which means we may not find the support we need outside of ourselves. How we “react” to that fear may also look different. It is critical that we take time to sit with our feelings, better yet, walk with our feelings. I personally find if I can get outside, walk and allow my feelings to come to the surface they are much easier to process. In the first few days that we were advised to stay home I felt myself get agitated. At first I figured it was a full house that was causing me agitation, then assumed it was the collective energy I was picking up. Finally I had to get real and acknowledge the agitation I was feeling was my own fear. Fear isn’t that simple though. I had to ask myself to go deeper and ask where was the fear originating from. This was a fear of abandonment and rejection. If my worst case scenario came to fruition I would be abandoned, homeless, alone and no one to turn to. That is a pretty scary thought and something that feels outside of my control. In the days to come I noticed I began to fall into a place of lack and validation of those thoughts came to mind. I had previous experiences come to mind of when I had been on my own, when I hadn’t been supported. I finally broke down and told my husband how I was feeling. Once I put it out there I was able to shine light on the dark feelings. Did it change anything? No, nothing changed except that I am not hiding those feelings and trying to pretend they don’t exist. It is ok to be afraid, angry or sad. We can’t control everything, in actuality there is very little we can control. What can I control? Taking care of myself, paying attention to when I feel agitated and doing something like walking, writing or taking deep breaths. I have also become much more aware of counting my blessings and praying. I encourage you to take time to sit with your feelings, to use this pause to let go of some of the baggage you have been carrying around. If that feels to big to take on, then just be willing and see where it takes you.
Peace!
Walking with Ravenfire 